


If you still want me

by ashdorado



Category: The Young and the Restless
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, First Time, Fluff, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 03:49:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16210784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashdorado/pseuds/ashdorado
Summary: Mariah and Tessa haven’t had sex yet. Mariah isn’t worried about it. Not at all. Why should she be?





	1. The conversation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [snugglybug22](https://archiveofourown.org/users/snugglybug22/gifts).



> So... here I come again bearing some smut! This is two chapters long, first one is T-rated, the second one isn't... I hope you enjoy!
> 
> ps: Thanks Anna for your beta-reading! <3 you're a star!

Mariah and Tessa haven’t had sex yet. Mariah isn’t worried about it. Not at all. Why should she be?

They have agreed to take things slow. It was _Mariah_ ’s idea. And slow, things have been. So Mariah has nothing to complain about, really. If anything, she should be grateful. Things have gone according to plan. They’ve grown closer; Tessa loves her, she said. And she loves Tessa. Things are _great_. Amazing, even. Yes, Mariah is very happy.

And slow is good. Isn’t it? Slow makes things steady, and secure, and it’s the best way to build sustainable, long-lasting foundations. And that’s what she wants; stable, sturdy foundations for her relationship with Tessa. She doesn’t want it to just crash and burn.

Yet in the corner of her mind, she cannot help but wonder, when she is alone in bed at night and Tessa is across town working late, when they hug tight after spending a few days apart, when Tessa sends her kisses via text messages, when they make out for a little too long, unguarded, in the kitchen at Crimson Lights; should they have done it by now? Is this normal? Not that she _knows_ what _normal_ is like, or even what normal relationships _look like_. She is figuring it out as she goes. And who cares about normal, as long as things are good, right? But still, she cares – kind of. They have done slow, and she _needed_ slow, but now she needs… more.

Sure, things have been very busy. It’s not like they would have had time to do it even if they had wanted to… at least she thinks so. Tessa has been more or less working non-stop to get that money she owes, juggling two jobs at once, and it’s not like Mariah can say anything about that. She herself has been busy at work. They haven’t even had time to go on a proper date since Tessa came back a few weeks ago. The only time they’ve been out was at the roof deck for Sharon’s bachelorette party. Not exactly the best time or place for a romantic first time, she figures. And then the wedding happened – or _didn’t happen_ , rather – and Noah appeared and Sharon was a mess and _really_ Mariah had to tend to her maid of honor duties...

All in all, Mariah thinks, there is no way anything could have gone differently, taking it slow or not. They just… haven’t had the opportunity to take things further. So there is nothing to worry about. This is _absolutely_ _normal_. Right?

“Penny for your thoughts?” Mariah looks up at Kyle, his eyebrow raised in mirth. He takes another sip from his coffee. A _large double non-fat no-whipped mocha_. Summer is rubbing off on him. In a _bad_ way.

“Nothing?” she says, idly playing with her coffee stirrer.

“ _Please_. You’ve been staring in Tessa’s direction _for ages_ with this weird look on your face.”

Mariah scoffs, “Can’t I just be looking at my girlfriend?”

“Not with that look, no. What’s up?”

“ _Nothing_ is up, Kyle.” _Can the boy ever drop it?_

“Are things good between you guys? I thought you were happy?” he goes on. _Of course_. Mariah lets out an exasperated sigh.

“I am! _Very_ happy, in fact.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

Mariah hesitates. She cannot talk about this with him, can she? This feels wrong, somehow.

He leans on his elbow, coming closer, and then whispers, “Did things go wrong… you know… in the bedr-” Mariah kicks him promptly under the table as she sees Tessa approaching their table for a refill.

“Hey! That hurts!”

Mariah throws him a death stare.

“Do you guys need anything?” Tessa smiles, oblivious to what has just gone down.

“No, thanks Tee. I need to go soon, anyway.” Mariah starts gathering her things, sensing this might be her time to escape Kyle’s nagging questions about her sex life – or lack thereof, in this case.

“I’ll see you later?” Tessa asks.

Mariah looks up, “Sure, yeah. Text me?”

“Will do.” Tessa smiles and leans down to kiss her. It lasts longer than Mariah would have expected in the presence of Kyle, right across from them. He doesn’t seem to mind one bit, if the smirk he throws Mariah as Tessa leaves is any indication.

“So… Trouble in paradise? Or not? You guys are sending me _very_ mixed signals here.”

Mariah rolls her eyes at the smug look on his face, huffs again.

“Could we maybe… not talk about it _here_?” she says as she stands up, hoisting her bag on her shoulder.

“Lead the way.”

Kyle follows her out of the café.

 

000

 

“So… let me see if I got this right. You guys have not done it yet.”

“Right.”

“And it’s a… bad thing, maybe?”

“That’s the thing! I don’t know!” Mariah cannot believe she is telling him all this. She prides herself in being a private person! At least she used to.

“Well, from what you told me, you were the one who wanted to take things slow.”

“I know.”

“So really…” Kyle adds, “I don’t think this is on Tessa at all.”

“I know.”

She knows all this, rationally. She set the boundaries a few weeks ago, Tessa agreed, and they have followed through. Of course, she couldn’t expect Tessa to try and push things further when it is clear she is simply giving Mariah time to just… get used to all this. Or is she?

“Like, I know I was the one to suggest we take it slow, but I don’t know, it’s been a while now…”

“And…?” Kyle asks, expectantly.

Mariah fidgets with her glass nervously, one finger circling the rim slowly. “I don’t know… Wouldn’t she be showing me that she was growing impatient if she was?”

“Are _you_ showing her that you’re ready for it now?”

Mariah pauses.

“ _No_ … but I’m emotionally stunted. So that’s different.”

“ _Mariah_ …” Kyle rolls his eyes at her, exasperated.

“I just!” Mariah interjects, “I can’t help thinking maybe… she doesn’t…”

“What?”

Mariah hesitates. Doesn’t know if she can say it out loud, lest it makes it real somehow. “Maybe she doesn’t… _want me_ like that.”

Kyle says nothing, just stares at her for a good ten seconds. Mariah is growing restless the more he looks at her with that blank expression on his face.

“What?”

“You’re ridiculous,” he says, matter-of-factly.

Mariah sighs. She _is_ being ridiculous, isn’t she? Tessa was the one to suggest they book themselves a cozy room in San Francisco not so long ago. Clearly that meant sex, not playing Uno. Why would she have changed her mind about that?

“Wanna know what I think?” Kyle asks, then.

Mariah sighs. Again.

“I guess.”

He stares at her for a long second. “Tessa doesn’t want to screw up. You wanted time and she is giving you time.” He squeezes her arm, “She wants you.”

“Yeah bu-”

“But nothing! If you want her to pop your girl-cherry, you need to tell her!”

“Kyle!” Mariah blushes and scans the room, hoping no one is eavesdropping on their conversation.

“It’s true! It cannot come from her when you’re the one who asked her to take it easy. So you have to be the one who does something about it.”

Mariah knows he is right. She really wishes he wasn’t. She has to tell her. She groans in annoyance.

“How do I do that?” she says, eventually.

“Well, you could start sexting her.”

He looks down at her phone on the table between them. She grabs it in a second, holds it tightly against her chest, protectively.

“Don’t you fucking…”

He laughs. “I wasn’t going to!”

“I wouldn’t put it past you… And I’m _not_ sexting her!”

“Well then… just be sexier around her.”

Mariah pauses.

“Sexy how?”

He shrugs, “Like, start acting in a way that makes her feel like you want her like that,” he begins. “Kiss her, or touch her in a certain way, tell her things… Mariah, this isn’t rocket science honestly.”

Mariah scoffs. “I’m not stupid! I’m just really bad at this, okay?” She pauses, shrinks a little. “Last time I tried to go all sexy on someone, it went really, _really_ wrong.”

She caught his attention again, and Kyle leans closer, eyebrow raising in curiosity. “With who?”

Mariah hesitates, doesn’t meet his eyes when she says “Kevin...” She crosses her arms in front of her chest, “It doesn’t matter.”

“What happened?”

She stares at her drink, not sure how to say this. She opts for the truth. “I sort of… tried to seduce him. And it worked, but then… the sex was just… awful. Worst sex of my life. And his, probably.”

Kyle, while looking slightly amused, tries to remain serious.

“Well, how good or bad the sex was has nothing to do with your seduction skills.”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

“Has Tessa been with a girl before?” he asks suddenly.

Mariah ponders the question. She doesn’t know the answer to that.

“I have no idea.”

“Maybe she hasn’t,” he says, his tone serious. “And maybe she is freaking out as much as you are.”

 _Maybe_. Mariah has wondered about this for a while now. Has Tessa been with a woman before? Sometimes Mariah thinks she must have. She still remembers how they used to act around each other in the early days; how, she now thinks, there were times where Tessa was genuinely flirting with her. And then, when Mariah confessed her feelings, the way Tessa rejected her was never about Mariah being a girl. The gender thing never seemed to be a point of contention for Tessa. For as long as she can remember, Tessa has never once shown or mentioned doubt or insecurity when it comes to loving a girl, emotionally or physically. So could this really be new for her like it is for Mariah? She doubts it. She wishes she was brave enough – less of a coward – and talked about these things with her, but – breaking news – she isn’t.

Mariah looks down, catches the time on her phone. She is going to be late for work. “I’m sorry, I really need to go.”

Kyle nods, gets his wallet out. “Look, just talk to her, okay? I promise you have nothing to worry about.”

Mariah stands up, “Not sure I will… But thanks.”

“Keep me posted.” He winks.

Mariah rolls her eyes _._

“Bye, Kyle.”

 

000

 

After work, Mariah meets Tessa at Dark Horse with some takeout – again. She really needs to talk to Tessa, she knows Kyle is right. She can’t postpone this forever. The conversation won’t randomly manifest itself if she doesn’t bring it up first, especially these days when it feels like Tessa is working 24/7 anyway.

So Mariah is determined. She will try. To say, or do, something. To let Tessa know that she wants this, and that when – or if – Tessa feels like it, she is _ready_. At least, as ready as she can be given the circumstances. Can you ever feel ready to have sex for the first time with the girl you sort of consider the love of your life, knowing you have a terrible record with relationships and have never had sex with a woman before? Mariah guesses she is ready- _ish_. She wants it, that’s all she knows.

[Kyle - active 3 mins ago]

_told her you wanna dive in the lady pond yet?_

 

Mariah rolls her eyes. Kyle’s insistent texting, while profoundly annoying and childish, has weirdly helped her get ready to take the plunge, so to speak.

She puts her phone back in her handbag, and treads confidently – or so it seems – inside the Dark Horse building.

She finds Tessa in the same office as that time she was crouched behind the armchair brandishing a stapler.

Mariah approaches quietly, unheard, observes Tessa from afar a little while.

When Mariah looks at Tessa now, or even just _thinks_ of her, she sees about a thousand different things at once, feels about a thousand feelings, too – some amazing, some scary, all making her heart clench.

She can’t stop looking at her, now that she has permission.

Tessa is quite the work of art, she thinks; Mariah remembers finding her absolutely beautiful, always, even back when she wasn’t remotely thinking about Tessa as more than a friend, even back when she was casually trying to set her up with Noah. Tessa was nice, and pretty, and overall amazing and _of course_ her brother deserved a girl like this, didn’t he? She was beautiful in all the ways she was different from Mariah, maybe, and in all the ways she felt they were somehow the same, too.

But it wasn’t long before Mariah noticed little, subtle things that, _certainly,_ she wouldn’t have thought too hard about had they been just friends. Like the deep green color of her eyes, the delicate curve of her eyelashes or her cheekbones… Progressively, she felt Tessa begin to crawl under her skin and then Mariah was noticing how soft her pale skin looked, how pretty her smile, her lips, were. Suddenly Tessa was the prettiest girl Mariah had ever seen and she knew she was in trouble.

She tried to resist at first, longed to escape the thoughts and feelings she was having, but every new encounter with Tessa only seemed to send her spiraling further, and then she stopped fighting it. So she stared a little too hard, and touched a little too long – _she,_ who had always hated intimate, prolonged physical contact.

She still does it now, stare and touch. But her heart is lighter and her guilt assuaged, because she can, because she is allowed to. She can’t help herself.

She clears her throat eventually, alerting Tessa of her presence. This time Tessa looks happy to see her; no stapler in sight.

“Oh hi! I wasn’t expecting you so early!” Tessa says.

“I’m sorry. I can wait a little if you need to finish something first,” Mariah waves dismissively, trying to sound casual despite her nerves.

“No, no. Of course not, it’s fine.”

Tessa stands up, drops the file she was holding on the main desk and comes to greet Mariah with a swift kiss.

“What did you get us?” Tessa asks, opening and peeping inside the paper bag Mariah is holding. “Ugh, I’m so hungry.”

“Thai this time. I hope it’s okay?”

Tessa looks up at her and smiles. “It’s perfect, thank you. You know just how to please me,” she adds, a smirk on her lips and a glimmer in her eyes. Mariah can feel herself blushing. So _Tessa_ knows how to be suggestive. Maybe Mariah should take notes.

“How much do I owe you?” Tessa asks, reaching for her wallet on the desk.

“Nothing, it’s on me.”

Tessa sighs, “Mariah, you can’t keep paying for it every time.”

“If I want to treat my girlfriend to some freaking Thai food, I will, okay?!” Mariah says with a chuckle. It’s really the least she can do, considering everything. She really wishes she could do _more_. She hasn’t given up on the idea that, maybe, she and Tessa could move in together somewhere, soon. Not that she has told anyone apart from her brand new journal…

“Your _girlfriend_ , huh?” Tessa has a playful smile on her face and Mariah frowns, confused.

“Isn’t that what we are?”

Mariah has a brief moment of panic, sharp and cold in the pit of her stomach. Of course they’re girlfriends, she assumed that’s what being a couple entailed – why wouldn’t she?

Tessa laughs, looks at Mariah with nothing but soft, fond eyes. “Of course.” She reaches out to touch her, a reassuring hand squeezing Mariah’s. “It’s just… it’s the first time you’ve said it, I think. To me at least.”

“Oh.” Mariah blushes, unsure what to say.

Tessa looks at her a bit longer. “Thank you, anyway. For treating me,” Tessa says earnestly. She kisses Mariah again, soft and lingering. “You’re the best, you know that?”

Mariah laughs.

“Sure.”

“I mean it.” Tessa looks at her with an air that tells Mariah that yes, she means it. Mariah feels a flutter in her heart, and she kisses Tessa right back.

 

000

 

“There is something I wanted to talk to you about…” Mariah says abruptly between two bites of pad thai, before she can change her mind.

Tessa looks up, a concerned look on her face. She swallows hard.

“You sound eerily serious all of a sudden…” she says, and Mariah can see that she has freaked her out.

“No! No,” Mariah shakes her head quickly, “it’s nothing bad I promise.” She sighs, feels inadequate, “Sorry.”

 “It’s okay.”

Mariah puts down the cardboard box on the coffee table in front of them and turns to face Tessa more directly. _Breathe, Mariah._

“I don’t know how to say this…” She laughs nervously, not daring to look Tessa in the eyes.

“You know you can tell me anything,” Tessa says, a hand reaching out to grab Mariah’s. She squeezes it reassuringly.

Mariah looks up at Tessa, smiles across the space between them, tries to convey all that she’s feeling.

“I know…” Mariah licks her lips nervously “I thought… I know you have to work pretty much all the time these days… but maybe, I don’t know, we could go on another proper date, maybe, and-“

“Wait,” Tessa blinks in confusion. She reels back a little, before laughing quietly. “Are you nervous about asking me on a date? Because I would think that by now you can pretty much assume I would be up for it…”

Mariah grins and closes her eyes. Why is she so bad at this?

“What I meant to say, is… maybe something more… private, this time?” She looks at Tessa with purpose, willing her to understand.

“Private?” Tessa raises an eyebrow, apparently still unsure of where this is all going.

Mariah soldiers on. “Yeah… like… I thought maybe I could cook for you at the ranch or something, and then we could watch a movie… or something.”

They stare at each other.

“At the ranch?”

“Yes.”

“With your family?”

Mariah sighs. This is going _terribly._

“No,” she says, her words careful, willing them to convey exactly what she means, “Just us.”

Tessa looks at her like maybe she understands where Mariah is going with this after all, but Mariah isn’t sure.

“So like… you wanna go on that _third date_ we never got to have…?”

Okay, that’s definitely a hidden question about sex, right?

Mariah acquiesces quickly. “Yes. A third date. Exactly.”

“Of course.” Tessa says, a smile reaching from ear to ear. “Why would you be nervous about asking me this?”

Wait. Mariah isn’t sure anymore that Tessa really got what she meant. Surely she _must have_.

“Tessa… you know what I mean, right?”

Tessa looks at her, scans her face slowly, a soft smile still playing on her lips.

“Are you trying to ask me if I want to have sex with you?” Tessa asks simply.

Oh _thank god._ Mariah feels the tip of her ears start to burn.

_“I guess.”_

Tessa laughs again, a laugh that’s nothing but fond.

“Did you think I wouldn’t?”

“No, I just…” Mariah hesitates, embarrassed, “I didn’t _know_ _for sure_ if you did.”

“Mariah…” Tessa says softly, shaking her head. She brings a hand to Mariah’s hair, plays with it softly. “Why would you ever think I don’t want to?”

Tessa smiles at her, soft and fond.

“I don’t know… I just… I know it’s my fault and I said I wanted to take things slow-”

“You _did_.”

“But it’s been a while, and you know I overthink everything, and so I started to overthink this too.”

“Well, please don’t.”

“Okay.”

“I want you.”

“Okay.”

“I _do_.” Tessa insists, “Like, _a lot_.”

Mariah looks up, Tessa’s eyes boring into hers so intensely she feels her heart could momentarily stop. Mariah can’t bring herself to look away.

“Really?” she asks, her voice barely a whisper.

“ _Yes_.”

Mariah has never felt like the kind of girl that people want. She’s never felt like the kind of girl that people _like_ , let alone the kind that people would want to take home and just… She’s never felt good enough, or pretty enough, or charming enough for that. The game hot people play, casually dating, casually hooking up. This was a thing, in her mind, reserved for a kind of people that she definitely didn’t belong with. Not that what she and Tessa have – are – is even close to casual. No, this is very real. As serious as it gets. But still, the idea that Tessa could want her like that, would want her body like that… The idea that she’d want all of her, and no one else… is blowing Mariah’s mind.

She must have been staring at Tessa for a while, because before she knows it Tessa is kissing her. Mariah feels a lot of things silently said in the touch of her lips; _I love you. I want you. Yes, you_. And so Mariah kisses back; _thank you_.

Mariah reaches out and wraps a gentle hand at the nape of Tessa’s neck, deepening the kiss. Tessa tilts her head some more, tongue curling against Mariah’s. Mariah feels a moan being born and dying at the back of her throat, hears it echoed in Tessa, tightens her grip on Tessa’s neck.

Mariah has missed this, feels she hasn’t kissed Tessa – _really_ kissed her – in too long. She would kiss Tessa all day if she could. She doesn’t remember liking kissing anyone else so much.

Tessa’s hands travel from her hair to her shoulders, before sliding down her arms and finding anchor on her waist, bringing Mariah impossibly closer. So close, in fact, that Mariah’s knee digs into Tessa’s thigh as they sit sideways on the minimalist leather couch of the office.

Emboldened by their previous conversation, by Tessa’s gentle but steady hands, Mariah lifts herself up and brings a leg over Tessa, effectively straddling her, before sitting back down onto her lap and claiming her lips once more. Tessa pauses, her breath hot on Mariah’s cheek. Her nails slowly rake over Mariah’s denim-clad thighs, her hands lingering, kneading at the flesh she finds, sliding up to her hips, to her sides, then back down to her waist.

Mariah’s feeling everything, and it suddenly feels way too warm in the yet not-so-small office. Her lips find Tessa’s neck, kissing and sucking, lightly then hard; her fingers graze over Tessa’s collarbones. She hears Tessa whimper underneath her when said fingers start running down her torso, feels her squirm underneath her.

“Mariah, wait. We can’t do this here,” Tessa says breathily against her neck.

“Why not?’ Mariah finds Tessa’s lips again.

Of course she knows why, but Mariah doesn’t remember feeling so good in a long time, cannot help wanting to draw things a bit longer, a bit further… cannot help kissing her.

Her hands slide under Tessa’s top, seeking bare skin, and Tessa lets out a throaty moan.

“Because- fuck, Mariah.”

“I’m trying,” Mariah murmurs, smiling. She isn’t sure herself if she is joking or not.

Tessa’s laugh turns into a gasp as Mariah’s fingers reach lower, close to the waistband of her pants. She closes her eyes, swallows hard, catches Mariah’s hand before it can move any lower.

They stare at each other, flushed, chests heaving.

“Because,” Tessa tries again, all but whispering into Mariah’s mouth, “I could never get any work done here after that.”

Mariah smiles.

“Not to mention there are security cameras everywhere.”

Mariah sighs. “You’re right,” she concedes.

“Not sure Nick would appreciate me having my way with you in his office either.”

“ _Having your way with me_?” Mariah laughs, head dipping to the side of Tessa’s neck. Feeling confident, she kisses the skin she finds there, feels Tessa’s content hum against her lips.

“If you let me?” Tessa murmurs, lips brushing the shell of Mariah’s ear. Mariah wishes she wasn’t so turned on when what they’re really trying to do is put a stop to this.

“I would,” she murmurs, lips finding Tessa’s again, softly.

Mariah closes her eyes, then looks up at the ceiling, vainly trying to slow her breathing. “When do you finish?” she asks.

“Eager, are we?” Tessa teases.

She laughs. “No,” she says, scolding Tessa playfully. “I was wondering, that’s all.” She checks the hour on her phone. “I should go soon, I need to be at work early tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

Mariah pulls away, untangles herself from Tessa and stands on wobbly legs. Tessa looks disheveled, she assumes she does, too.

“So… what about that third date, then?” Mariah asks, a little nervously.

“Whenever you want,” Tessa assures her, reaching out to stroke her cheek.

Mariah eyes fall closed briefly and she leans into her hand. Her whole body yearns for Tessa, to touch her, be touched by her.

“What if we did it at mine?” Tessa says, “More privacy?”

“Sure.” Mariah feels herself blushing again. Which is ridiculous, she was _straddling_ her minutes ago, for Christ’s sake. “How about Friday?”

“Friday sounds perfect. 7pm?”

“Okay, good.”

They smile at each other fondly, almost bashful, letting the implication of their conversation wash over them.

“I really should go,” Mariah says eventually, her voice soft. Their lips meet halfway, their kiss soft and tender, but enough to reignite their desire. Mariah physically removes herself from Tessa’s reach as she feels a tight pull in her lower belly.

“Okay bye!” she says, earning a laugh from Tessa. She waves her goodbye, mentally counting the days – and hours – before the date.

 

000

 


	2. The date

Mariah makes sure neither Sharon nor Nick will be needing Tessa on Friday evening. She might or might not bribe them with the lure of babysitting Faith in the future in exchange for their cooperation. She, too, can be resourceful when she needs to be.

They agree to meet at Tessa’s and cook together – a first. Mariah will bring the groceries, since Tessa will get off work after her. Mariah wonders how that will go, knowing that neither of them is necessarily skilled in the kitchen. But then again, Mariah isn’t in it for the food.

Mariah wakes up earlier than usual on Friday and spends a considerable amount of her morning routine in the bathroom, shaving, scrubbing, moisturizing, plucking. She wonders if Tessa is doing the same, thinking about their date, thinking about the fact that maybe – _probably_ – should everything go well, they will be having sex. She thinks Tessa might be more casual about all this than Mariah is, figures Tessa probably wouldn’t care if Mariah didn’t do all this. But really Mariah is doing this for herself. She wants tonight to be perfect – as close to perfect as it can be – and she just wants to feel confident. Partly to compensate for the ball of nerves she will be all day, starting now.

 

000

 

It’s 7pm on the dot when Mariah knocks on Tessa’s door, juggling grocery bags in her arms. They’ve agreed on roasted salmon and potatoes with a fresh herb sauce, and chocolate fudge ice cream for dessert. Mariah is also bringing a bottle of red wine – her favorite – because god knows she needs some liquid courage right now.

Tessa’s hair is still a little bit wet when she opens the door for Mariah – from a recent shower, she assumes. If Mariah is honest, that thought alone is doing things to her. Tessa also took some time to reapply some makeup, Mariah notices, and she lets her in the apartment that Mariah has yet to see, helping her with her bags.

The apartment is on the smaller side and probably in need of some TLC. Not that she expected any different given Tessa’s situation. She’s admirative enough of the fact that she managed to find herself her own place to stay, despite the money issues and everything. Mariah really needs to start looking for a place of her own. Then, maybe, she could convince Tessa to move in with her… She can already picture it, their own little place in the center of Genoa City, not too far from their respective workplaces and in a quiet yet lively neighborhood. They’d go out for drinks on the weekend, or for coffee on lazy Sunday mornings, would come back home ready to snuggle and kiss under the covers, she could even – maybe – convince Tessa to get in the shower with her, wash the city grime off their skin and lather each other up in the damp yet hot, foggy bathroom…

“Mariah?”

Mariah blinks furiously, turns to Tessa who is looking at her expectantly.

“Sorry, what?”

Tessa laughs. Mariah feels warm in the cheeks and can tell she is blushing. “You want a drink?”

“Oh. Yes, please.”

Tessa pours some red wine into their glasses. “What were you thinking about?”

“Hmm? Oh, nothing. Just… nothing.”

Tessa smiles, doesn’t push.

 

000

 

Cooking goes surprisingly well. They follow a YouTube recipe on Tessa’s laptop and manage to not let the salmon and potatoes burn or go undercooked.

They eat on the kitchen counter, legs touching. Mariah feels Tessa’s foot caress her ankle, then up her calf, about halfway through. She smiles but doesn’t say anything.

 

000

 

Mariah isn’t sure if she should slow down with the wine or pour herself a third glass. The nerves have gone down a bit. She knows that’s not all thanks to the wine though. She knows that Tessa’s loving smiles and reassuring touches all through the night have set her mind at ease, too. _This is Tessa_ , Mariah tells herself, repeatedly. _This is Tessa. It’s okay._ She might not always trust her words, knows that Tessa has lied in the past, knows that she tends to keep things to herself. But she trusts Tessa’s eyes, and her smile, and the feelings they convey. She feels like she can tell, most of the time now, when Tessa is lying or not. And she _knows_ Tessa loves her, wants to _be with her_. She trusts Tessa with this. Mariah cannot imagine anyone else she’d want to do this with.

When she goes to the bathroom, Mariah can’t resist taking a little more time than usual; makes the effort to fluff up her hair, reapply her lipstick. She thinks – hopes – that _the moment_ might come soon.

Tessa doesn’t have a TV, so they settle on the little couch in the corner of the living room, with Tessa’s laptop on the coffee table.

“Did you feel like watching anything in particular?” Tessa asks as they sit down, pulling a cushion from underneath her.

 _I couldn’t care less what we watch, or don’t watch_ , Mariah thinks. There is no way she can focus on anything right now, when the wine has her head lightly, pleasantly buzzing and her body yearning for Tessa.

“No, you choose.” Mariah says quickly, taking another sip of her wine before putting it down.

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

Tessa looks at her for a bit. She frowns. “Are you okay?” she asks, hesitant, “You sound…”

“What?”

“I don’t know… Are you nervous?”

Mariah laughs. Is _she_ nervous? _She? Mariah?_...

“Look,” Tessa adds, “I know we said that tonight… But, nothing needs to happen, okay? It doesn’t matter. We don’t need to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“Are _you_ nervous?” Mariah blurts out.

Tessa looks up. She stares at her with soft, earnest eyes, appraising Mariah’s face slowly. Mariah hardly dares to breathe as she waits for a response. Eventually, Tessa just nods.

“Really?” Mariah exhales in relief.

 “Of course.” Tessa says. She holds out her hand and Mariah takes it, squeezes tightly.

Mariah’s heart quickens, “Have you… have you done this before?” she spits out before she can second guess it, “With a girl, I mean.”

Tessa nods again, “Not like this.” She adds, looks away shyly.

Mariah notices a slight blush on her cheeks. She frowns. “What do you mean?”

Tessa laces their fingers together, takes some time to weigh her words carefully, “I mean that I didn’t… _feel_ the same. I wasn’t in love.”

Mariah feels her heart soar at the words, still not quite used to hearing them.

 Tessa pushes her bangs out of her eyes, continues: “So it doesn’t compare. You just mean so much more.”

They are sitting so close now, breath almost mingling; close enough for Tessa to feel Mariah’s breathing quicken.

There is a moment when time seems suspended as they’re both silent for a while, but Tessa breaks it eventually.

“I just want it to be good for you,” she murmurs.

“And I want it to be good for _you_!” Mariah says right back, almost laughing at how ridiculous they sound. “And I have no idea what I’m doing, that’s the problem,” she adds self-deprecatingly.

Tessa smiles at her reassuringly, tilts her head just so. She leans in and kisses Mariah, softly but with intent. She pulls away, gazing at Mariah through half-lidded eyes. She raises a hand, gently wipes away smears of lipstick with her thumb.

“Whatever happens, it’ll be okay. I promise. I just wanna be close to you.”

Mariah nods slowly, and Tessa just smiles that soft smile of hers. Mariah loves Tessa so much, thinks she might have never loved her quite as much as she does now; right this instant. _Fuck it._

She kisses Tessa, but she doesn’t pull away this time. No. Instead, she reaches for Tessa’s face and pulls her closer, as close as she can get. She feels Tessa’s exhale against her lips and takes that opportunity to deepen the kiss. Tessa’s mouth opens eagerly, her arms wrapping around Mariah’s neck.

Mariah can somehow feel that there’s been a switch; that the kiss has a different flavor. There is just something in the way Tessa kisses her – in the way she kisses _back_ , too – that has changed. Like they are not holding back, at all. Like there’s no restraint anymore. Like they’re all in. And they are.

She pulls Tessa onto her lap, one leg on either side of hers. Tessa sits down slowly, hovering over her, straddling her, eyes full of lust. Mariah cranes her neck as Tessa leans down to kiss her, the kiss slow and languid, and Mariah feels that familiar sensation in her lower belly just from the sight of Tessa on top of her, kissing her like this.

Mariah lets her hands wander, caress, squeeze. Over Tessa’s thighs, her hips, her butt, her waist. Tessa, in kind, is panting louder and louder against her lips, her neck, desperately grasping at Mariah’s hair, shoulder or back. Tessa’s breath stutters as both of Mariah’s hands slip under her top and smooth across her skin.

“Can I take it off?” Mariah whispers against Tessa’s lips, lightly pulling on Tessa’s shirt.

Tessa nods quickly and the shirt is promptly discarded and carelessly thrown across the coffee table. Mariah looks up at Tessa in her bra, her breasts practically pressed against her face, when she sees Tessa reach back to unclasp it. Mariah barely registers what’s happening before she is faced with a topless Tessa, small, round breasts mere inches from her face. _Oh god._

Tessa holds Mariah’s gaze silently and grabs Mariah’s hands, placing them on her breasts. Mariah can only stare before Tessa claims her mouth again; wet, open kisses that leave Mariah heady.

Mariah feels her heart hammering inside of her as she lets her hands wander and explore the soft skin of Tessa’s chest. She feels her nipples harden underneath her palms, grazes them with the light touch of a finger. She kisses and sucks down the column of Tessa’s throat, nibbles at her collarbones. She hears Tessa gasp above her as her lips reach a breast and a nipple is sucked into her mouth. She feels Tessa reach for her head, hands tangling in her wavy curls, keeping it in place as she squirms against Mariah. So Mariah sucks, and nips and laps at it, until she reaches for the second one and starts her ministrations all over again. Tessa’s breathing grows erratic above her and Mariah doesn’t think she’s ever been so turned on, feels her underwear coat with a fresh wave of wetness as Tessa’s hips buck against hers. Mariah cranes her neck as Tessa grabs her face and kisses her hard, sucking on her tongue, eliciting moans from Mariah.

“Should we take it to the bedroom?” Tessa asks, panting, as she pulls away.

_Yes. Bedroom. Good._

000

 

As soon as they enter the bedroom, Mariah is pressed against the wall and rendered silent with a searing kiss. Hot lips trail along Mariah’s jaw, down her neck, and all Mariah can do is cling to Tessa to keep herself upright.

Tessa’s hands find Mariah’s stomach, her waist, her butt. Mariah’s skin feels alight against hers, in a way she doesn’t remember feeling before.

Tessa starts tugging insistently at Mariah’s top and Mariah helps her take it off, dropping it to the floor without a second thought. The remaining items follow soon after. Mariah unbuttons Tessa’s pants, unzips the fly as they kiss in the dark, the only light coming from the living room through the open door. Tessa shimmies out of them. Mariah takes off her own pants, unclasps her bra that falls unceremoniously to the floor.

They stand in front of each other, half naked, and Mariah can feel the atmosphere change around them slowly. Tessa pulls away, strokes Mariah’s arms up and down soothingly. Mariah wills her breathing to slow down. She feels momentarily nervous about things coming to a halt, wonders if something’s wrong, if Tessa has changed her mind about this, but when she raises her head she finds Tessa looking at her like she’s the most precious thing in the universe.

“You okay?” she murmurs.

“Yeah,” Mariah nods. “You?”

Tessa smiles, “Yeah.” She takes Mariah’s hand in hers and leads them to the bed, a crumpled trail of clothes left in their wake.

Tessa lies down on her back and softly pulls Mariah on top of her, skin to skin, breasts pressed together. Mariah senses Tessa’s nervousness as they lie on top of each other, senses this is a big deal for her too, and suddenly she feels calmer. Like she’s got this. Like just being like this, with Tessa, is enough and wonderful anyway. She bows her head down and kisses Tessa softly, trying to convey everything she’s feeling in the kiss.

They stay like this for a long time, slowly, languidly kissing, hands wandering and exploring. The curve of a spine, the jut of a hip bone, the dip of a collarbone. How long they stay like this, lazily mapping each other’s body, Mariah couldn’t say.

Mariah tears her lips away eventually and lowers her face to Tessa’s neck, her shoulder, her chest, her stomach, leaving kisses in her wake. She feels Tessa shiver under the feather-light touch of her lips.

She gazes up at her, silently asking permission, as she hooks two fingers in the waistband of Tessa’s underwear. Tessa nods, curving her back and lifting herself so that Mariah can pull at the fabric and take them off completely.

Before Mariah can crawl back up, Tessa is sitting up in bed, meeting Mariah halfway and stealing a kiss.

“Yours too,” Tessa whispers against her cheek.

Mariah obeys, throwing the garment next to the bed. Tessa pulls her back to her before pushing her onto the bed this time. Mariah watches in wonder as Tessa hovers over her, settling on top of her, one thigh finding its way between Mariah’s legs. Tessa gasps as her thigh presses into Mariah, and Mariah just _knows_ , can _feel_ that she’s dripping wet, sees and hears the effect it has on Tessa.

She’s pressed into the mattress and kissed hard.

Their hands are everywhere, desperate to feel every inch of skin all at once. Their lips meet, over and over, separate to kiss more skin, a neck, an earlobe, then meet again. Eventually Mariah feels a hand ghost down their bodies and light, gentle fingers caress her, exploring, circling and all Mariah can do is latch onto Tessa’s shoulders and moan against her neck, silently urging her on. _Yes. Please._

And then Tessa’s fingers are inside her and her mouth is on her breast, it’s all so much, too much, not enough.

Tessa guides her fingers in and out slowly and Mariah’s hips follow the movement each time, bucking up to meet each new thrust.

Tessa’s lips are on hers again, almost bruising, and Mariah’s hand fumbles down Tessa’s body, craving to touch, to feel her too. Tessa moans into her mouth at the contact, and Mariah marvels at the slickness she finds there. Tessa is so wet _for her_. She parts the folds with the tip of her fingers, strokes gently, slowly as Tessa whimpers above her. Mariah could get drunk on the sounds she makes, she thinks. She finds her clit, lightly grazes over it, eliciting another moan from Tessa, and another, and another. So Mariah goes on, builds a rhythm, feels Tessa trembling above her as the minutes go by. Tessa’s fingers grow erratic inside Mariah, before they stop altogether.

Tessa goes rigid, hips canting against Mariah’s fingers and she cries out, face buried in Mariah’s neck. Mariah observes, in awe, as Tessa rides her orgasm, shaking above her, making the most delicious sounds before falling, limp, on top of her.

Tessa can’t lift her head. Instead, she presses slow, open-mouthed kisses to Mariah’s throat, her shoulder, tongue tracing the salty skin lazily.

Mariah rubs her hand up and down the curve of Tessa’s spine for a while, feels Tessa’s breathing progressively slow down and deepen.

She wonders for a moment if Tessa is falling asleep on top of her, but Tessa’s lips are on hers a moment later and Mariah’s hands are pinned on each side of her head as Tessa grazes her lips with her own. She takes her time, kissing the top one first, then the bottom one, parting her lips with her tongue, licking into her mouth slowly, teasing Mariah’s tongue with her own.

Mariah hooks a leg up over Tessa’s hip and pushes up into her, and Tessa grinds her hips onto Mariah’s leg in response. “Tessa,” she gasps. She doesn’t know what she is trying to say, but Tessa replies by dipping her head and covering Mariah’s breast with her mouth, licking gently, flicking it with her tongue.

Mariah’s body is practically vibrating with want, only awakened a little more with every stroke of Tessa’s tongue, every brush of her lips, every touch of her fingers. Mariah bites her lip, cannot help canting her hips up into Tessa.

Tessa kisses her way down Mariah’s stomach. Again, she takes her time, hands and lips mapping her body, and Mariah is practically writhing by the time Tessa settles between her legs.

Mariah watches with rapt attention as Tessa caresses her thighs, lips following the path of her hands, kissing and sucking on the soft skin she finds there. Never in her wildest dreams would Mariah have thought this possible a few months ago. She swears she could almost come from that sight alone, Tessa between her legs, kissing her. And _, oh god_ , she hasn’t even properly touched her yet.

But then Tessa lowers her head and Mariah almost forgets how to breathe. The first stroke of her tongue is gentle. Mariah lets out a sound she can’t find a word for and Tessa does it again: firmer, this time. She licks leisurely at Mariah, like she’s got all night, like there’s nowhere else she’d rather be.

Lying on her back, Mariah’s heaving a bit with each new stroke of Tessa’s tongue on her clit, each breath catching in her throat before coming out in strangled, muffled sounds of pleasure. She grasps at the sheets, at Tessa’s hands, desperate to hold onto her. Eventually Tessa builds a rhythm, sucks in earnest until Mariah is writhing against her mouth, legs trembling, a telltale sign of what’s coming. Mariah feels her orgasm rushing _fast_ and she clasps a hand over her mouth to muffle the sound. She comes _hard_ , Tessa’s tongue never leaving her, still moving, still lapping, until she’s too sensitive to take it anymore and she squeezes her thighs together, trapping Tessa’s head momentarily. Tessa pulls away, close to laughing, and wipes her chin for good measure.

Mariah lays spent and panting, one arm over her eyes. Head turning to the side, she nuzzles into Tessa’s pillow, surrounded by the scent of her and the smell of sex. Mariah cannot think of anything but for the fact that _holy shit_ … Does that mean she’s gay? Is this what she’s been missing? Is this what it’s supposed to be like? _Maybe she’s gay._

When she looks down, Tessa is resting her chin on her hip, smiling.

“Come here,” Mariah murmurs.

Tessa shifts her body up and leans down to kiss her. Mariah sighs contentedly, moans a little at the taste of herself on Tessa’s lips, at the thought of Tessa going down on her just a few minutes prior.

“Was that okay?” Tessa asks as she pulls away, mere inches from her face.

Mariah laughs. _Was that okay?!_ “Couldn’t you tell?”

“I mean, I guess…”

Mariah slaps Tessa’s butt lightly, jokingly, earns a laugh from her too.

“You were amazing.” Mariah says, seriously. _The best she’s ever had,_ Mariah thinks but doesn’t say. Not yet. Tessa smiles fondly down at her, tucking a strand of hair behind Mariah’s ear.

“You were, too,” she says. They look at each other lovingly, almost shyly – which is ridiculous, they’ve just had their mouths all over each other’s bodies – until a distinctive smirk appears on Tessa’s face.

“What?” Mariah asks.

“I knew you’d taste good,” Tessa whispers with devilish smile, making Mariah turn a deep shade of red. Her mouth opens to say something, but her mind is blank, her brain short-circuited, and Tessa’s smirk, if possible, grows even wider.

Tessa kisses her to shut her up before she can say anything.

 

000

 

They end up watching some Netflix after all, snuggled on Tessa’s bed. As she lies there, her head resting on Tessa’s chest – her strong, regular heartbeat lulling Mariah to sleep – Mariah feels happy. Happier than she’s been in a long time. Maybe ever.

She falls asleep with Tessa’s hand in hers and their legs tangled. Mariah is in love. Also gay, maybe. For Tessa, _definitely_.

 

000

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it! Thanks for reading, and for reviewing if you do :)


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